One Year Later: Closing Doors + Opening to Magic
Updated: Feb 13, 2022
Awake Yoga and Meditation Sanctuary was a name that came to me in a meditation in the Spring of 2018. By the fall, Awake was open! That’s how I roll - when I have an “idea, spark or download,” I “go for it.”
I love creating things ~ it feels like “magic,” and the opening of Awake was magical for sure; so many incredible things came together and the space turned out beautiful. So many amazing people that were a part of the studio and so many beautiful souls walked through those doors. The whole experience was a huge gift.
But about a year and a half go it didn’t feel that way anymore. I was drowning. I knew that the studio wasn’t sustainable. I was in so much fear and I didn’t know what to do. I remember crying at my altar one day; I felt so alone. I had a fantasy that if I had a partner or a husband, it would be better - at least I’d have someone to “break my fall.” But I also knew that that idea was just an illusion - we all have to face ourselves at some point in this life - and this my friends, was one of those times.
I took some deep breaths, went to get a pedicure (a hug for my feet), and came home knowing what I had to do. I still resisted closing the studio for months and even tried to shift how things were run - but in the end I had to admit it was time to “let go”. I had to shed my ego, release my shame, and move on with my head held high and my heart wide open.
We closed on March 16th, one year ago from today and the exact day that all the yoga studios had to close down because of COVID. It was also the day of my grandmother's birthday, a day I hold dear as she was a shining star in my life - and still is, even after 23 years of no longer being in body.
Looking back, I realize that this whole journey was a “push” - me forcing, fighting and trying to make something happen that wasn’t meant to be - but the experience was for sure relevant. And on the other side, I can honestly say that I am grateful for all that happened. There are so many other details I could share ~ lessons learned and all that ~ but I will leave you with the words that came to me last week as I was driving down the street and experiencing a moment of deep joy...
“I feel like I have finally given up the fight. Not with anyone else, but with life itself. Instead of my ego being in charge, I’ve surrendered to what is, dropping things that are not meant for me and opening to things that are bringing me to magical, unknown places…”
The spiritual journey, my friends, isn’t for the faint of heart. It is for you warriors out there that are dedicated to your growth, your expansion and the awakening of your heart. The path looks different for each one of us - what has helped me most is to “stay in my own lane” - not compare myself to anyone else and to fully own and love myself and my unique path! For what is happening for me is relevant for my journey and what is happening for you is relevant for yours.
Isn't this the practice of yoga though? Developing the capacity to be with the moment fully, no matter how difficult, from a place of acceptance and ease. If you'd like to learn about the practices that have helped me with this pursuit, check out my 100-Hour Beyond the Asana Training, which dives into transformational subtle body practices, beginning April 30.
Sending you so much love and, as always, please reach out if you need anything! It is my honor to support you in what's up for you in your journey right now.